SECRETS OF RELATIONSHIPS

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This was written to better inform the true value and nature of relationships.


INTROPART 1PART 2PART 3PART 4PART 5-FINAL
In people's attempt to create a better understanding of life and their feelings for each other, to attain an improved comprehension about their relationships, sometimes, they only partially succeed.

People speak and/or think on several varied and different levels when communicating about their involvements together. Fortunately, a lover experience can prompt some introspection to take a look inside and determine where one is heading . . .

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INTROPART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5-FINAL

Oftentimes, in a relationship, due to some very limited times together, the occasion might not arise to be as verbally expressive as desired in reaching common grounds with each other especially in the emotional and spiritual levels. Too often enough, passion and physical involvement become the principle preoccupation with most new relationships, which mostly overrides involvement at other levels and areas of interaction.

At times, couples rarely discuss the little details regarding their desires for a future together, or even the possibility of such. And when one or the other or both does inquire, this is not their inquisitive, "scientific" brains popping out, but rather their human inquisitive, "scientific" brains popping out, but rather their human sides, emotional sides, wanting to know where each other stands in the future, and also trying hard to understand the nature of what it takes to have a solid relationship foundation based upon mutual trust, devotion, dedication, respect . . . and one of the most important which is commitment.

Thus, at some point in time when two people all in love, they come to an intersection in time that both stop a moment and examine how each feels in relation to the other, the direction in which each individually is going, and the ramification of the same. In this evaluative process, it is important that one functions as the other's conscience speaking——a human mirror.

With any new relationship, there are minor obstacles to overcome toward better intra-understanding. No matter how long or how much in love two people are, they will never be able to "know" everything about each other. Why? Because people do change, and situations change that promote change. Are people still so new to each other, even after professing love, which they know very little about each other or their goals? What holds people back from grasping an improved understanding? Why do they let it happen? Why should any barriers be allowed to exist? Why the ego's grip? Has it been too damaged and torn by others? By themselves?

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At times in a relationship, trust issues develop between one or both persons involved, and continual rebuttal from one's sense of fear and insecurities to really give love, of oneself, to the relationship.

Consequently, patience has not always been easy for people to keep, but it is necessary to maintain their mutual contact. As a learning experience, one does not run at the first sign of trouble. That's the challenge to be demonstrated.

Yet each of us is a separate person with his and her own needs and the right to meet those needs. When one is having problems meeting his or her needs, the other partner should try to listen with genuine acceptance to facilitate them finding their own solutions instead of depending on the other partner.

Individuals should try to respect each other's right to choose his or her own beliefs and develop their own values, different though they may be from one another.

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At those times when a couple finds either partner cannot change his or her behavior to meet the other's needs, one must acknowledge that there is a conflict-of-needs that requires resolving. Let us, then, begin to commit ourselves to resolving each such conflict or issues without either resorting to the other's losing.

Keeping to the frame of reference, I would like to point out that when one does not trust another, he or she is fearful of a relationship, it appears that is not likely to change any time soon until the person with fear deals with it, overcomes it.

Knowing that two people really getting to know one another takes the element of time, they should allow enough thought and sufficient time to elapse to be certain that no one is coming from any wrong intentions, nor to seek to play any psychological games with each other. But is it actually another person that one fears? Or is it something from one's past? Latent insecurities? Fear of failure or losing what one has?

Why is it so easy for one's ego to worry about what he or she might lose or have to give up, rather than for it to dwell upon the wonderful, beautiful, treasured things it might receive if only permitted the chance? Too often, it chooses to dwell on the negative rather than the positive. And the things it "thinks" will be lost, are they really that important in\ the light of having what is most important in our lives——true, unconditional love? What the ego thinks is important is really not spiritually important. Wouldn't the ego rather be "spoiled" with love than by what it dictates in other terms?

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How utterly sad it must be to be so controlled by one’s ego to the point that one’s spirit cannot be fulfilled. Unable to break from an unpleasant, daily habit such as drinking or smoking, is very symbolic and indicative of one’s inability to deal with an ego-imprisoned spirit. True love nurtures one’s spirit. But we, humans, erect barriers by our egos to block the very thing we desire the most: to love and be loved.

The worst realization with the greatest impact to our hearts is when we realize, too late, that love came knocking at our door, but we let it pass up.

Maybe the door cracked open just a bit to gaze upon its form, but with a lack of commitment to let love enter with open arms as an invited guest, it slammed shut in its face. Throughout one’s lifetime, love may never knock on everyone’s door. And for those fortunate enough to hear it, some choose to never open the portal. Commitment means putting one’s foot in the door so it won’t close.

Such a pity to always be reminded and suffer the loss or not allowing love to enter. Sadness and remorse will always be remembered, for love is a gift—a cherished opportunity. But love missed, is an abominable misfortune like being born blind and never having the opportunity to see the colors of the rainbow or bask in the joyous delight and inspiration of a beautiful sunset. When love is made visible, so many are self-condemned to blindness. So many are penny-relationships.

Usually, walls go up either for the protection or the hiding of something—distancing. But they are there for reasons. If a person feels honestly threatened or endangered because of being associated with another person, then he or she is entitled to exercise caution in such a relationship or environment. But usually, we tend to create reasons for having emotional “walls” erected as a measure of ego protection against perceived harm that is certainly longer lasting, and just as threatening as physical damage.

Deep down inside, I don’t think “normal” people with any harm to intentionally be disposed upon others. With the right loving mate, he or she can be another’s wall of protection, and not something to wall up against. From where does the fear, the threat stem? Why is it so important to rule one? Why odes one permit it to have such a direct influence in his or her life? If fear is thought of an illusion, in that sense, one does dwell in both elusion and illusion when harboring fear.

Must love always be such a test? Must trust always be tested before love can be projected and received in return? The conflict of trust and fear are influencing factors that are sometimes a part of people’s interactions with each other from the beginning of the relationship. This is natural, at first, with any new relationship until such time is permitted to pierce the facades, and to gain a realistic, more accurate picture of each other.

Aho!

High Eagle Wisdom


Continue to PART 2 . . .

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INTRO PART 1 PART 2PART 3 PART 4 PART 5-FINAL

There are two things especially which are a deep-seated part of being in love: honor and duty. As people, we should live our lives by both——to us, they should be deemed sacred. A person who is not honorable or who does not do his or her duty is untrustworthy.

Once a person is found dishonorable or untrustworthy, no one will ever depend upon him or her, or ever take their words for truth again. Therefore, from the very start of a partnership, love must be spoken true in one's words and acts or deeds.

I am not perfect. No one is without imperfection. Though faults may be prevalent, one should live and love in his or her life so honor and trustworthiness would never be even questioned. Nevertheless, no matter how hard one tries, this will always be tested and moreover, come under the scrutiny of others.

Ones honor and dignity are never worn like a shirt, to be taken off whenever things get "too hot" or too difficult. And why do people wonder about others if they are not the persons presented to be? Is it the past, again, that has us so conditioned with our negative learning and experiences? "If you don't know me now, you never will," is said by others.

"I have shown myself to be a trustable person to you. No one in my life has ever doubted my honesty; my honor. Never has anyone ever accused me of dishonesty or being disloyal . . . except you," is a phrase heard by people in every generation. Where is people's trust? Why can't they accept each other for who they are, the differences as well as the similarities?

Does anyone really want to devote the rest of his or her life to a relationship that is not solidly grounded upon faith and trust in each other? To one that has shown only implications of a relationship, hints at being together, but with no pledges of intent or commitment? How could I? How could you or anyone?

Some people exhibit so little trust that they are constantly suspicious of others, and their loved ones would never really measure up to deserving their full trust. It is always a defeating, "no-win" situation for their mates, no matter how hard they would try. The risk and consequence of another love failure appears to be too great for them. The past definitely has its hold upon their being in the "now" and present.

Then there is the dictatorial type who demands that everything be dealt mostly on their terms, doing what they want to do (and in the ways they dictate). But if they are to have a continuance of a serious affair with someone else, then I sincerely feel that many, many things have to re-examined and assessed in the light of their current situation——in the light of EQUAL sharing with someone else.

When the words are spoken, "I love you!", that's fine. But words, as often said, are cheap. A person's actions tell the true tale, don't they?!

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Loving people help each other, not hurt. They GIVE as well as receive. If a person is loved, it would seem that the other person who loves them you would WANT to do things for him or her without being asked. Does one really HAVE to ask? Why the refusal, the resistance among some people?

Even minor points such as a much needed back rub would be welcomed as a sign of caring. The trouble is that people expect to receive, but what of giving? Doesn't love also mean some sacrifices to take time to do for others? There can be no real love without some sacrifices. Can sacrifice be possible in a relationship? If not, then there is little or no relationship that will endure the test of time. Things will break apart eventually.

A couple's interactions in an unbalanced relationship usually adjust to be what one can do for the other, and not so much the same in return. Remember the Golden Rule? What holds people back? Others have needs and are just as deserving to have them satisfied.

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One should be honest enough to be able to say to another, "I respect your needs, but I also respect my own. So, let us always strive to search for solutions of how to treat each other that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, but so will mine——neither will love, both will win." Yes, love can be a win!

IN this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, but so can the other person. Thus, yours can be a healthy relationship in which each of you can strive to become what he or she is capable of being. And you can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace——ever growing in love and spirit. Don't let your ego or the world around you squeeze you into its mold. Find your own mold, let your true self come out. And let all you do be done in the name of love.

Continue to PART 3. . .

High Eagle Wisdom


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So often, people find two-way communication difficult. It is an awful situation to be in, from anyone's position. Admittedly, we are aware that true friendship, and the love and concern which are such an integral part of a deep love relationship, is very hard to find; however, the potential exists for those who are earnestly willing to pursue it.

Knowing that your innermost self is safe——totally safe——with another person is a most uplifting experience, once found. To have found it, and then, to not feel free to be with it, I feel, is a very great blow which makes one's heart sore. We're caught, though, because in this kind of close and sensitive caring and sharing, each feels the other's pain.

Some individuals carry the pain of a previously experience around with them all their lives, playing the same pattern, never releasing it. And they bring that pain into their love relationships. Evidently, their pains are too great yet for them to completely trust and love and BE LOVED by others at this time, which may be understandable. They are in a process of change.

When blocked by whatever withholds their love from extending to others, it is literally impossible for them to have a wholesome, balanced relationship. In fact, when one is in a process of change, can one truly know love? Maybe pieces of it, but not the whole of it until the changes have occurred, and growth has been realized.

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Love isn't meant to stay inside bottled up, kept and harnessed. Love should not be taken out for a walk, and then jerked back much as a dog on a leash at the whims of its owner when he or she is getting too close to another. Love on a leash is not real love. But loving people, when they find there are problems, will work ceaselessly to rectify them so that the relationships lives.

But sometimes people do not have a commitment to do so, and with a conditioned willingness, run with fear when perceived threatened or when things don't go their way or are not in accordance with their expectations. Do their egos want their way most of the time? ALL the time?

In the past, quitting has seemed to be easy for others to do . . . the easy way out. Today, we see a lot more "throw-away" relationships. If something goes wrong in the relationship, we toss it to the heap and find another. It has become too easy to discard a relationship, mainly due to a lack of tenacity and commitment to find the necessary changes to make it work.

But the best thing for couples to do if they are serious in getting and maintaining a life together, is to make some overt attempt at planning for a future together. DON'T RUN! Don't tear yourself away from that. Loving what is true is a precious gift. The only price we should ever put on love for others and concern for them is that the other persons be true to themselves. The joys found in that will gladden your heart!

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Know that as you continue to grow in love, rid and release from the fears that bind you to the Mother Earth, for the Great Spirit will bring you the inward understanding of just how to proceed for the successful completion of your projects and your love relationships——your life's goals at work and in love situations with a mate.

Do not let fears keep you from showing the real, true side of your personality. Picture this: I believe for years, one has sought to be free from this facet of oneself, and be allowed to bring love into the front of one's life.

But, there is another voice inside which often holds one back, imprisoning one at the very times when, perhaps, he or she should let go, and be free to extend love in faith.

At times, he or she is like a child, afraid to be hurt again by someone he or she loves. So, in the molecular fashion, one's "social" self seems to be constantly fighting off——molecule against molecule——the private, soft and loving self. At times, he or she doesn't want to trade one aspect of one's ego, one's self interests, in order to be able to enjoy the comfort of a warm, loving male-female relationship. And what's worse, thinks of commitment in a relationship as removing the glitter and sparkle from it . . . destroying the magic.

Too easily, one is fooled by one's ego into feeling self-content with the rapture and the fantasy of love which is easy if one seeks all the pleasures and gratification without the commitments and responsibilities that go with loving. So, he or she tries to add these things to make a blend, so that nothing has to be thrown away or "lost". He or she is often like a lobster——hard shelled (for protection) on the outside and soft, very tender on the inside. The claws are the first things people see when they have looked, but when seen beneath the surface, they've gotten confused.

One needs to let others know what he or she holds in his or her heart so that they may be sure and thus, free to associate with one in the finest sense of relationship others can know . . . that of mutual love and respect.

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There are also times when former friends who have turned on you for whatever the reasons. But don't let your doubts, brought on by the bad actions of other people, interfere with what you have with you loved one. Your trust in him or her cannot be measured by your trust of others, especially if there has been some unforgettable, unpleasant memories from past experiences.

If your are embarking on a new relationship, or merely wish to rejuvenate an old one, see what brings by giving of yourself, your feelings, your time, your energy, your talents, skills, emotions, and your love and inner self to the other person you love towards their betterment and fulfillment, in an effort to assist and support them in their growth and unfolding——to be true to them.

Reassure him or her that they have, and continue to have, your very best. And he or she shall always have it, because it is your choice——not to be taken for granted.

None of us is promised anything in this world. The Great Spirit and those who touch us make the cumulative total of our beings. When someone sees beneath your surface, meets and comes to know you——and respects, accepts and finally does love all of those facets which, over the years and experiences have made up YOU——don't constantly challenge it. Don't attempt to throw it away, ignore it, reject it——don't fear or run from it! Why remain so distant or aloof? Know that you deserve to receive love from another or others! IT'S OKAY.

Realize that you are most treasured. Accept your joy in life with a smile. Rest secure in it. True, some folks will just take from others and hurt them. I'm sure you have experienced that too often.

When the Great Spirit gives you another person to care about you, who knows you, and understands you (or as much as you've let show), who also cares for and about you, who knows and shares what you find valuable and important, BE THANKFUL! Be happy in the glorious, soaring feelings of another creature on Mother Earth who has seen and delighted in all that is you. It is a gift returned to the Great Spirit, who wants its children happy!

Continue to PART 4. . .

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. . . For when you are happiest, you are the most creative and there is, within, a positive energy force which allows you to grow further. I sometimes wonder if anyone can know love or is ready to know another person during a growth transitional period of ridding oneself of emotional rubbish and garbage from the past. Is there enough stability?

Keep in mind that not everyone can or should or needs to be looked at with the same frame of reference.

If you muster all of your creative forces toward healing whatever prevents you from blossoming, knowing that you won't feel any more fear. Do as much for yourself as you'd do for anyone else worthy of your love, and don't feel guilty putting yourself in your own first place when grwoing and cleaning out the "garbage".

As a son or daughter of the Great Spirit, it is your sacred duty, if you will, to get up your courage and work to save yourself if you for nothing else, than to be who you REALLY are . . . because you CAN do it! At this time in your life, be free to explore all that there is for you.

Yes, it is possible for all of us to live a contented life alone and not in the care and comfort of another. But what value in life is there in not having someone to share life with in love? What do we miss out on if we don't?

You must listen and be ready. But always stay on the straight path commited to yourself and the Creator, if you cannot commit to someone else. Then, you will live to reap your harvest.

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Love is but another emotional wave sweeping over us among the tides of human desires. For having found such another spirit who we love, we realize how very difficult the roads of daily living have been without that kindred spirit.

You are not alone on this Mother Earth. Whatever else She holds for you, know there is another pair of feet on the same planet that loves you.

My greatest desire is that your wings be freed so that you might soar like the sacred eagle to the four points of the Mother Earth and Her winds. I only wish for you the joy of flight into the sunshien. Find yourself, and when you do, share that honoralbe faithful, talented self somewhere safe——with someone safe.

But when someone is so filled with fear that his or her ability to share love, openly and freely, is stymied, one's self-importance turns to selfishness which leads to consider relationships of little value compared to oneself and one's personal desires and ambitions.

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Is all that we strive to do in this gift of life done to continue our own lives, by our own ways, following our own self-oriented pursuits and pleasures which will merely, simply end in death? Emphatically, "No!" Life is not meant to peer around corners from the safety of shields, nor is it meant to erect unpenetrable barriers that do not allow true love to flow in and out.

Love is NOT love if it has to be concealed, manipulated, rationed in accordance with a prescribed dosage dictated by ego or circumstances. If love comes, wants to show its face, it should be permitted to be free and not held back dangling like a kite leashed to hand by the emotional strings of fear.

When we have reached the inability to share and give all, the 100% of ourselves, then we are living life at speed less than full power. Consequently, our rewards, joy and happiness in life will also be less than what it's capable of being. We hold the key, we have the wheel in our hands. If love were a ship, why relegate ourselves to a lesser position at the stern when we could be at the bow?

Why not be the rugged, dauntless ice-breaker chopping through the glacial ego blockages rather than a tug boat strapped to, forever tugged by an emotional barge of yesterday's conditionings and left-overs?

When we grow in a life-changing experience, turning away from a life of selfishness and broken relationships towards a life of sharing and love, then we walk in beauty, in a newness of life. And what can be more comforting than to experience the reality of sharing, the return to love without holding back. True love demands nothing less than one's full commitment . . . Aho!

Continue to PART 5. . .

High Eagle Wisdom


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When two people find love for each other, it is natural to desire the love to form into some sort of bond——a relationship. A relationship is the house built by love. It is not love, but built and formed by love. It is possible for two people to love each other with all their hearts, but have no relationship. That is because the element of commitment is missing.

A relationship must necessarily be built from two people's commitment to each other, and not one person's alone. A commitment is a pledge. If one has pledged love to form the relationship and the other hasn't, the relationship is like a house with a roof, but no walls to support it.

Love, by itself, is not enough. If love is not committed, there can be no relationship, only at best, an association of common interests, but nothing binding. An association has no real connection, no bond established; however, a relationship for it to be a relationship, must have and establish a definite connection. For instance, a relative is a person connected by blood or by marriage.

The important distinguishing characteristic is that there is an established connection. If there is love, but no connection with it, there is no relationship. Without a promise, pledge or other sort of bona fide commitment, there is only the implication of a relationship——the illusion of relationship.

If illusion, in the form of implication, continues, then one can fall in love with no relatinship or connection, and is wrapped up in the illusion of there being a relationship when actually it does not exist.

When one of two people who are in love is unable or fails to make a commitment, then the relationship is doomed until the flow or commitment has transpired. All evasiveness and non-committal attitudes (usually all stemming from one's ego, and also ego's fears) expressed and seen in one's actions can cause the other love partner rejection in others that only can be erased when a commitment has been acknowledged. The person who has the fear, created it arising from the unknowingness about the other person's intentions to either strengthen the love bond or keep it separated.

When no commitment is made or exists, it is this unknowingness that creates unnecessary tension and stress on love, and tends to limit it.

Commitment also means a willingness on behalf on the committed to make sacrifices in order to maintain the relationship. In a partnership or association, if sacrifices ar not made it can easily be dissolved. Love demands COMMITMENT, not the person who exhibits it. Love cannot take root in any soil if the commitment is not made that bind its roots.

Therefore, love and relationship are two entirely different, separate things. True, every relationship must have the element of love in it or it would not survive. But every love does not have to have a relationship for it to survive.

It is a terrible thing for love to wait upon commitment to show its face, especially if it was never intended. Patience allows love to wait to be fulfilled, but if commitment never graces the doorsteps of love, love has no home in another——only a reservation for an overnight stay with nothing lasting, and no permanency of residence.

One must feel that the other feels the same importance is attached to their togetherness, or else both are only treading water, expending energy but feebly getting nowhere.

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Life is all too short to wait in anticipation for something that may not happen. Not being shy on either time or patience, know that things can't be changed immediately, nor forced to occur overnight. But people need some visible indication or commitment that converges to a focus——one that leaves them content, confident and encouraged, rather than living totally dependent on the precarious will of another person, and having to be constantly unsure, non-committal world of loving and leaving. Being without anything firm or definite that projects ahead to a future together can be very perplexing, frustrating and confusing.

One cannot cling to the fleeting sensations of pressed lips, love a faded mental image of another's being, or embrace the temporary vibrations of another's gentle voice emanating from a phone. How can one sustain love in such a wishful mirage, painted illusions of love without the physical form? It's conditional, false and incomplete. It is flirting with love, rather than pledging love.

Hence, people in love should insist on knowing each other's personal goals and earnestly work towards a common, mutual goal so that they both have an understanding of whatever they attempt, assuming that the potential of a future together exists. It's only fair, isn't it? This would mean that they would need to develop and strengthen a trust relationship.

Perhaps people's lives come to a fork in the road to ascertain whether or not their relationship should continue as a loving one, or remain distanced with restrictions like an unfulfillled rosebud of deep friendship unable to blossom in the fullness of love, forever shrouded and encased in secrecy . . . a fated heartache destined to remain forever in the realm of what might have been . . . a self-inflicted would of "If only I had realized before it was too late!" kind of regret that stabs our hearts with diurnal bleeding from love blood-red with desire.

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Love will not, cannot, succeed if willfully continued in the spirit of pretense. Love, acting under the guise of a relationship, fools no one, not even one's own spirit when commitment is lacking. It only is relegated to a semblance and a false, deceiving appearance rather than possessing a constitution of substance characterized in a real relationship.

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For love is not to be parried, but favored. But it needs to be safely vested in the vessel of relationship for it to give life to its meaning. Love waits for no one too long, for it can dwindle to a trickle when once a river of passion; deteriorated to a thread when once a fabric; and suffocate, decay in its on fumes of heartache and loneliness with the lack of the breath of attention . . .

Likened unto the fire turned to a small flame when deprived of oxygen, so shall we all diminish, perhaps extinguish, our thirist of love if not replenished, resupplied and enriched everyday . . . every moment! Aho, I have spoken in truth!

These are some of the secrets of RELATIONSHIPS uncovered in my journey path. So live, too, your life in a way that you may discover the rest! Keep in harmony with your love one and remember all you have learned. Aho! . . . .

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